You’ve been Eboue’d

So all my worst fears were realised last Saturday. It was the first match of the season, and that usually means sunny pitches and a bit of a festive atmosphere with everyone happy to finally see some real football after a long break. It also means seeing the new strip, and hopefully one of two new signings in a team you honestly believe will win everything in the universe.

Why the hell then did we get Emmanuel Eboué in centre midfield? Seriously.. what is it with Arsene and this guy. But i’ve thought about this long and hard and I think I’ve figured it out. See.. it all makes sense when you think about it. See… I remember a time when us Gooners were able to laugh at those muppet’s down the road for their inability to keep players fit (see Darren Anderton). But over the past 3 or 4 seasons, we seem to have become unusually injury prone as a team. Coincidentally, Emmanuel Eboué has been with us for roughly the same amount of time. Of course in his early days he often got a start at right back, and so we didn’t get too much trouble from him, but more recently, with the fans pressuring Wenger to drop him, he has had to take matters into his own hands. Obviously if Eboué dropped out of the first team, soon enough he’d be let go. and no other manager in his right mind would pay him to play football! 

First he tampered with Freddie Ljungberg and Tomas Rosicky using an ancient surgery technique he learnt in the wilds of the Cote D’Ivoire, replacing their fit and healthy muscles with rubber bands. This obviously gave him a clear run at the right wing spot as right back was now off limits with the arrival of our golden haired wonder, Bacary Sagna. But no… that was never going to be enough. When Arsene replaced Freddie, with Theo from The Cosby Show, and Alex Hleb came in he had to rethink things. He could probably beat up Theo in the showers, he was but a kid, but the pasty Belarussian was obviously a different story. He was already pretty bendy so the rubber band trick would probably not work. So instead he befriended Hleb, telling him of how he once spent a summer in Mar Bella, and it was the best time in his life. Down there, he told Alex, they appreciate the lesser understood art of not shooting. Of course in the short term, he needed another plan to keep his place in the side. There was that cocky Dutch kid who kept putting the ball through his legs at training. So when Arsene wasn’t looking, he shoved his kneecap up his a#$@. This meant the pasty kid who couldn’t shoot would obviously now play as a second striker (???) and the right wing slot would again be his. 

Of course even Eboué had to get injured. And while he was out, young Theo went and dazzled everyone against Liverpool. So Eboué had to temporarily give up his designs on right wing and looked instead to right back again. That Sagna certainly was a hard b*stard.. with those golden serpents he had coming out of his head. But when he wasn’t looking he tied his golden braids to the back of Gael Clichy’s boots. Gael set off in a sprint doing about Mach 2 as he always does, ripping Sagna’s head clean off, putting him out of contention for the remainder of the season. But of course, that stupid Swiss bloke who looks like Frankenstein’s monster dobbed him in to Le Gaffer, and thus the second best player in the Ivory Coast, according to Emmanuel, was shoved out at right back instead and Eboué was again on the bench. 

There wasn’t much hope for Eboué by this stage. He had lost right back and right wing. He had to think outside the box. And then it all just fell into place. He hid Mathieu Flamini’s favourite Parker Pen, leaving him unable to sign the new deal Arsenal were offering and eventually upset, he moved to Milan. There was that strangely shaped French kid with the attitude problem who didn’t even stay long enough to be plotted against. The other lads said his boots were too big… no wonder he ran so strangely. And the old Brazilian geezer was already set on spending his retirement eating gyros and olives and bunked off to Greece. And then all that was left was that Spanish golden child and the lanky french bloke with one foot on backwards………. 

And of course that is just a theory, but I think you all know it makes sense. With Cesc returning, and Denilson playing a good game, expect Samir Nasri to now fall foul of a mysterious muscle injury any minute now. 

Oh.

Wenger to splash the cash / Shut it Flamini

Le Gaffer Arsène Wenger OBE has spoken the words all Gooners hoped for “I hope to make a signing in two or three weeks.” Now it just remains to be seen who the new recruits will be. According to the shrew manager as many as 220 players have contacted to him to play for The Arsenal. So out of that, there must be some wheat we can sort from the chaff. However it’s more a case of the players that The Arsenal have contacted rather than the other way round. So what players do we all hope for Le Gaffer to sign up? Hatem Ben Afra, Micah Richards, Heurelho Gomes, Vincent Kompany and Samir Nasri to name but a few have been mentioned or are players many a Gooner would love to see in the red and white of London’s finest. Who do you fancy pulling on that shirt before the start of the season? In the next few days I’ll set up a table or wish list type thing or even a rumour mill rating to see where this takes us. 

Battle cry

Le Gaffer on Manchester USA taking the Premier League crown said this: “The message I have is congratulations for the achievement – and get ready for the fight next year.” Yup, I looking forward to that as well. However with the Manc’s getting more filthy lucre, you can probably guess that they’ll spend another £50m in the summer! I must admit I have to congratulate the Manc’s on picking up the crown, they played the best football next to us, it’s a shame prizes weren’t given for the way you play rather than points as we would of won the league by Christmas. But there you go, I shall now wash my mouth out, probably with a pint of Guinness but seeing the sun is out I might have to have a Sol instead. 

Shut up Flamini

If Mathieu Flamini was Pinocchio his nose would be as long as ex-Liverpool player Phil Thompson’s beak. I don’t hold it against Flamini for moving to AC Milan but I have lost respect for him in his reasoning. Flamini reckons he only want to AC Milan because of the ‘pain’ of missing out on the Premier League title. Really? What a bunch of bollocks that is. So at the first sign of failings the man who had grit and determination and a no retreat no surrender attitude just bails, well I guess he is French after all. So let’s get this right, whoever Flamini plays for, if they fail to win anything he’s just going to pack his bags and go? So you leaving had nothing to do with the money Matthew? No way Jose, unequivocally, in no way shape or form? OK then, so when AC Milan who will finish outside the top four in Serie A don’t do a thing next season you’re going to bounce out of there as well? 

Just come clean Matthew and say money was an overriding factor rather than the ‘pain’ of missing out on silverware. However, I am sure all those extra Euro’s burning a hole in your pocket will ease the pain away. Am I bitter? No, I would just prefer the player to tell it like it is, simple. 

New site / Flamini’s off

Welcome

Hello and welcome to the new comments section for Allgoonerdup. This is the new guise – Son of Allgoonerdup. We’ve done some tickering under the hood and will be making adjustments here and there, so please bear with us. The the idea of the new blog is to get you the fans to build on the success(!) of the original Allgoonerdup site. So please join in with the daily debates / stories doing the rounds. We welcome all views and opinions – so join in and in you have an opinion – jump on and lets hear it.

So the worst kept secret in football is out, Mathieu Flamini is off to play for Serie A giants AC Milan. Can’t really say too much on this, apart from the fact the last couple of months you could tell Flamini was more than likely going to leave. I can’t blame the Frenchman for leaving, he’s going to a club steeped in history, there’s great players there and he’s being offered a trailerload of filthy lucre. My main concern is that Arsène Wenger let this happen. We had a perfectly good ready-made replacement in Lassana Diarra who left in January after only being at the club for four months. Wenger let him leave before Flamini tied himself down to the club? Wenger doesn’t make many mistakes but this is one. Flamini would be worth in the region of about £12-15m and now he has left for absolutely nothing, to me that’s a bloody joke in my opinion. This season he wasn’t a bit part player he was one of the main reasons we were flying, Wenger even commented (although I do not agree with him) that the Cesc Fabregas and Mathieu Flamini partnership was the best since he has been manager – not quite Monsieur Wenger think you’re forgetting about the Patrick Vieira – Manu Petit partnership. Any road up, I hope this doesn’t come back to bite Wenger on the arse, but I still can’t believe he let one decent player leave whilst another hadn’t even decided his future. It isn’t the first time this has happened, remember Edu leaving on a free? What we do know is The Arsenal will go on and no player is bigger than the club.