Apologies, betting with spurs© supporters, All a-board,

Welcome Gooner’s and good day to you all. Once again I have to apologies for the lack of updates, however if you checked in the other day you would of seen the reasons why. We’ll just call them ‘ongoing saga’s’ for now! And there’s plenty of them. However as mentioned previously, things should return to normality very soon, like Cliff Richard having a Christmas number one and spurs© (by the way that symbol isn’t meant to be a ‘copyright’ symbol the ‘C’ is for crap! Or another four letter word you care to think of) being a top four team. Oh how we laughed. I must admit some spurs© supporters are still living in cloud cook-coo-land. Now one of relatives and I’m not proud to tell you this Gooner’s but even me, Tommi Gooner has to put up with infidels of the spurs persuation in his family. However one of my uncles is a spurs© supporter and I wanted to relieve him of some cash so I said to him lets have a £50 bet on The Arsenal finishing above spurs© – and if (yeah more like when) we do then call it an extra quid for every point extra we finish above spurs©. I thought he would go for it – he didn’t, he said he didn’t want to take my money – Muhahahahahaha – oh how I laughed. And on Monday just gone that was the exact text I sent to him when northern monkeys Aston Villa done them at Shite Hart Lane. I strangely didn’t get a reply though – those spurs© supporters are a funny bunch don’t you think?

 

Kroenke joins the board

The worst kept secret in football has now been exposed – Stanley Kroenke the American that originally old Etonian and Havanna cigar chumping ‘Sir’ Peter Hill-Wood didn’t want ‘his sort’ at The Arsenal has now joined the board. You could see this one coming a mile off it was just a case of when it was going to happen really. So that’s some good news which hopefully should see Jabba the Hut looking Russian fat man Alisher Usmanov’s move for The Arsenal derailed for a bit longer. Which is nice.

Apart from that Gooner’s the only other news is that we have plenty of cash. I think most Gooner’s must of known that seeing that The Grove is making money hand over fist compared to our Highbury days. However you have to think to yourself, ‘OK we got all this cash – but will Le Gaffer actually spend any of it?’ Well one such player the cash could of gone on is Yaya ‘Touré the Younger’ Touré who apparently reckons turned down a move to us in the summer – oh well there’s always the January sales though, seeing that the big fella is getting many games at the moment.

 

‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ – Where was you?

As part of this season and trying to tie in with all the 20th anniversary shenanigans of that famous last minute championship win, allgoonerdup.com is doing a ‘JFK where was you moment’. But obviously the moment we’re doing is – ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ moment. Every Gooner knows where they were when that goal went in and we’re going to publish your tales. The idea is to do one Gooner’s piece a day, so get amongst it and send your emails in via the contacts page and mark the subject line ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs moment’. I’ll be doing some sort of fancy graphic and that just to give the piece some ‘air play’. Get your emails in and we’ll get the ball rolling with your ‘Thomas – where was you moment’. Hopefully your tales of that wonderful night will get other people sharing their ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now moment’!

We’re back… In threes…

Apologies Gooners for falling off the face of the earth, we have recently been as productive on here as Arsenal during the transfer window. And judging by all your emails, you are missing your daily(!) bite size tidbits of Arsenal news with a bit of tomfoolery thrown in. So please bear with us for the moment, we’re going through a bit of a ‘saga’ shall we call it at the moment and hopefully we’ll be giving you daily updates once more. Failing that we’ll be making more comebacks than Stan Victor Collymoore but without the wife beating antics. So I give you this and name check two old skool hero’s and two guys who are definitely hip hop legends – Eric B and Rakim.

Its been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you

Without a strong rhyme to step to

Think of how many weak shows you slept through

Times up, I’m sorry I kept you

So Gooners as I’ve said bear with us – the show will be back on the road and normal service will resume very soon. So now you’re here, get cracking and read today’s, this weeks, this months article!

In Threes… 

So apparently the fashion of the moment is hat tricks. First Theo goes and graduates on the International stage with three goals. Now, scared of missing out on the hottest new trend around The Grove, our Togolese forward has gone and got himself his very own shiny hat trick. Poor old RVP – he was inches away from being a trendsetter just a few weeks ago and now he just looks like the poor kid who can only afford goals in pairs. 

Despite the hype and deflation of the transfer window, things don’t look too shabby around The Grove of late. There was that brief aberration against Fulham but since then things have gone rather well. And the Fulham game should now be reviewed. With hindsight, though they are by no means world beaters, and still a team we should be beating if we want to win the title, Fulham are proving to be a far improved team this season, riding well up the table. So rather than being a guide of what might be to come this season, it might just have been one of those blips against a team always capable of sneaking a result. 

 

And what of Adebayor’s latest attempt to win over fans? By refusing to get on a plane to Togo, I suspect he is trying to recast himself as the new Dennis Bergkamp, whose fear of flying was well known. To think most Gooners envisioned RvP as the new Dennis, what with them sharing Dutch heritage and technical mastery of football. How foolish of us to completely overlook the lanky fellow with the crazy hair and lack of experience wearing clogs. 

Meanwhile, our new star in the making, Samir Nasri has a worrying knee injury, whilst Tomas Rosicky looks more likely to turn out for the wheelchair football team at the Paralympics than appear at The Emirates anytime soon. Without going over old ground too much here, this smells of Eboué to me. I know he supposedly ‘injured’ himself on the weekend against Blackburn, but I suspect it’s just a smokescreen. If Nasri recovers in time, we better warn Theo to steer well clear of the Ivorian anywhere in the changing rooms. And possibly train all week in medieval battle armour. Just in case…. 

So now we’re off to Kiev, home of.. erm… well.. I’m sure it’s nice this time of year anyway, as long as you don’t get caught in any radioactive dust still lingering from Chernobyl. Really, this is the best time to be playing a team out there. For what seems like 10 months of the year, they play in 20ft drifts of snow, which might suit players like Adebayor and Bendtner, but poor old Theo and young Jack Wilshere would need snorkels. Kiev are by no means a team that we should roll over, but this is a good draw, and getting them before the winter chill kicks in should negate a lot of their home advantage (though moving Kiev somewhere near the Seven Sisters Rd might have helped a bit as well). It looks as though we will be without Gael Clichy though, which starts to put a bit of a strain on the team. With Traore off gallivanting around the Arsenal Old Folks home down in Portsmouth, there is limited cover within the squad for the left back spot. Kieran Gibbs could slot in, or perhaps Gallas will be shifted left and Djourourourouou’ou will come in to play alongside Kolo in the middle of the defence. That is of course if Silvestre isn’t fit again after his entire body was rebuilt with the leftover bits of Tomas Rosicky. Either way, it will mean a reshuffle and lets all hope this is not the start of an injury crisis just when we were looking good. 

Hopefully by this time next week, we’ll have sorted out a solid start in the Champions League, and then given Bolton a good roughing up. And if nothing else, we can always just laugh at Sp*rs in last place!

By Paul Wright – Allgoonerdup roving report

Someone? Anyone? No signings, just loads of questions…

At the time of writing, there are just three, yes three days, count them, only three days to go in the transfer window. I am of course, not the manager of Arsenal and there is probably a good reason for that, but in my opinion we still need two players signed in those three days. This is on a par with how I tended to deal with University assignments. Now, Arsene Wenger is an educated man and he looks like the kind of guy who would get things done ahead of time – he just doesn’t seem like someone who doesn’t plan and ad lib’s his way through life. So this leaves me confused – why the hell is he leaving this so late? Is it for the adrenalin rush? Is he a performer who likes to keep his audience guessing? 

Last week, a few people took it upon themselves to criticise me for my low assessment of Emmanuel Eboué. For anyone who saw the Fulham game, it would be fair to say Eboué was the better performer of the two central midfielder’s. But that is somewhat of a moot point because Dr Stephen Hawking, wheelchair and all, would probably have been the standout in that midfield pairing alongside the nightmare that was Denilson. Now, i’m sure Eboué is 100 times the football than I, or many people will ever be, but to be heading into a top flight league game as one of the contenders for the league title with him in the midfield is a clear indication that not all is well at the club. I doubt there are many sides in the Premier League who would choose to start him at the heart of their team, and sadly the point I was trying to make last week has been laid bare for every Gooner to see after the debacle at Craven Cottage. 

There are certainly more questions than answers that have come out of the weekends match, a few of which have been answered with our 4 – 0 overnight thrashing of Twente in the Champions League qualifier. But I thought i’d use this weeks column to just throw some of these out there: 

- Which position does Arsene Wenger see Alex Song as playing? Last week he mentioned the names of Diaby, Denilson, Ramsey along with Song as contenders for the midfield, yet brought him on at Centre Back in place of Touré. In his 12 or so minutes he actually looked reasonably good, adding to his displays at the tail end of last season where he started to prove himself to the doubting fans (myself included). But with Denilson playing as poorly as I can remember an Arsenal player in recent history, why then did he not throw him on into the midfield alongside Eboué? 

- On that note, and as discussed on a few other blog’s this week, if Arsene isn’t prepared to throw on Ramsey or Wilshire when those on the pitch are struggling, just what is the point of having them on the bench? If he intends to give them a run only when we are 3 or 4 goals up, then it would seem to me that the squad is alarmingly light on numbers. 

- Just how well regarded is Djourou? Is Song now ahead of him in the pecking order? If after a loan spell and a few chances to push for a spot in the first team, he isn’t considered good enough to even be third choice, why are we holding on to him but letting Senderos move to Milan on loan? And why did we send Senderos on loan and replace him with an injured 31 year old who isn’t likely to be fit until mid-September? When we have a long injury list and a recent history of players failing to recover to schedule this seems a risky move. If Gallas or Touré were to injure themselves seriously, we would be left with Song or Djourou to start in the back line – neither of whom were considered candidates even for the bench until recently. 

- Will Van Persie and Adebayor gel as a front pairing? Until Bendtner came on late in the second half, it seemed like an awkward union up front. Meanwhile the promising pre-season form of Carlos Vela hasn’t been enough to get him any game time in the league. I’m not sure if he was injured or just not available to be selected but either way, with Eduardo out until later this year, to only have one player on the bench with any Premier League goals to their name (Bendtner) is a real worry. Alongside Ramsey and Wilshire was goalkeeper Fabianski, Kieran Gibbs and Johann Djourou. Yes we have injuries but why fill up the squad with players you don’t trust? Arsene only made two substitutions on the weekend, which is strange considering how poorly he felt they had played. Obviously despite the new seven man bench, we really only had a few players with any realistic chance of getting a game. 

Has Arsene been caught out with his transfer plans?. It seems Wenger was confident of signing Gokhan Inler, even to the point where he announced he was hoping to have someone in by Wednesday. Unfortunately that transfer didn’t go as planned, and with Steven Gerrard injuring himself, the chances of Liverpool releasing Xabi Alonso seems more unlikely than ever. Arsene had talked about how financially speaking it was better to wait until later in the window, but I wonder if our obvious need for a midfielder after the weekends performance, will actually drive up the price from any club who knows how desperate we have become. 

Still, perhaps all is not lost. I don’t believe it is a coincidence that as soon as Fabregas was fit to play, the team clicked and put 4 goals in. Certainly if we can keep Cesc fit, and with Rosicky to return, I don’t think we are in danger of dropping into mid-table mediocrity like some trigger happy Gooners have suggested. I wonder if it is legal to field Cesc covered in bubble wrap each week? 

By Paul Wright – Allgoonerdup roving report

‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ – Where was you?

As part of this season and trying to tie in with all the 20th anniversary shenanigans of that famous last minute championship win, allgoonerdup.com is doing a ‘JFK where was you moment’. But obviously the moment we’re doing is – ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ moment. Every Gooner knows where they were when that goal went in and we’re going to publish your tails. The idea is do one Gooner’s piece a day, so get amongst it and send your emails in via the contacts page and mark the subject line ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs moment’. I’ll be doing some sort of fancy graphic and that just to give the piece some ‘air play’. But get your emails in and hopefully we’ll get the ball rolling next week with your ‘Thomas – where was you moment’.

Win a new tee…

That’s right you can be the owner of this spanking brand new bit of kit ‘The Joy of Cesc’ from our Online Shop.

All you need to do is tell us, and keep those eyes peeled people because we’re changed the question, on what famous 1970′s book is the tee ‘The Joy of Cesc’ based on? Simple? Great – now get involved and let us know your your answer, name, address and t-shirt size via the contact form and mark it ‘T-shirt competition’. Lovely, job done. 

60 Second Round-up

Majority share holder Danny ‘Diamond Geezer’ Fitzman says we’ve got a shedload of cash if Le Gaffer wants to spend it. I’m not sure about the statement ‘if he WANTS to spend it’ Wenger needs to fecking spend it. I really don’t see us challenging for the title or Uefa Champions league trophy unless we add to the team. I’m not getting carried away with out win against FC Twente. Don’t get me wrong Gooner’s I’m not being all ‘bah humbug’ but the Dutch side are about on par with a League Two team, we wouldn’t exactly get excited about caning one of those teams now would we? I think it’s plain to see especially after the Fulham debacle we do need strengthening as when our first choice players are out we’re desperately thin on the ground.

Le Gaffer has promised us a lot in the past, even as last season was ending he promised to keep the team together. Now I’m not going to have a go at him there, Wenger hasn’t got control over players if they really want to leave, so that is completely out of his hands. But he can address what needs to be done, lets hope he does it. The money is there, go and spend it. It’s not as if it’s going to do us any good having money in the bank when we need ‘quality’ players on the pitch. Not sure about you Gooner’s though but I’m not holding my breath to see what players Le Gaffer will (or wont) bring in. I’m not sure why I’m not getting excited but Le Gaffer has promised a lot in the pass and hasn’t delivered. I hope that’s an old Jedi mind trick and Le Gaffer brings in a world class player!

 

We are Arsenal

Greetings Gooners… Michael Thomas moment…Win a free tee…

I sit here now a confused, confuddled, slightly baffled, man of deep thought. Whilst I slouch here, typing away using my index and middle fingers of each hand only, I ponder away in deep tranquility – as I have all day – wondering what is currently taking place with not just mine, but our beloved club.

I’ve never been the type to jump on the “Club in Crises” bandwagon under Arsene Wenger, and I’m far from about to. How ever, I won’t deny that I’m slightly concerned with everything that has taken place so far this summer. As soon as news has filtered through about a possible signing, news has later filtered through about the possible sale of a player. With Philippe Senderos the latest to be heading out the door. I’ve surprised myself how I’ve reacted with this transfer, and to be honest, I’m still *insert appropriate word here*… Not “annoyed“, or “angry“, or “frustrated” even. “Concerned” I’ve used already, “baffled” perhaps? Hmm, something a little stronger then that… How about “disconcerted”? Or “Confounded”? “Bewildered” is a good one, as is “Perplexed”. None the less I do feel maybe a little of all these. The truth, and fact of the matter is, the standard of player we have let go this summer is as far off irreplaceable as we have replaced them. That has orchestrated my thoughts and feelings about the club right now. Let’s compare shall we, on the players we have let go, compared to the players brought in; regardless of whether they are loan deals or contracted transfers:

 

Jens Lehmann

Justin Hoyte

Philippe Senderos

Armand Traore

Gilberto

Mathieu Flamini

Alex Hleb

Have all been replaced by:

Vito Mannone

Emmanuel Eboué

Johan Djourou

Mikael Silvestre

Amaury Bischoff

Aaron Ramsey

Samir Nasri.

I understand Mannone, Eboué, and Djourou were at us already, but young Italian mob-star, Vito’s been promoted from the resi’s. Eboué, despite his central midfield cameo’s I think will feature more so as a right back, especially as Hoytey’s left. Djourou lastly, was at Birmingham for the first half of last season, and then on his first appearance for us back from his loan spell, he busted something or other against The Spuds. Looking at that, for me defensively we still need that big strong, towering lump of a lunging blocker. Who would get his right foot, left foot, forehead, or foreskin in front of the ball to stop it from going past him. 

Man Ure have Vidic, Locomotive London have John “Siht Cnut” Terry, and The Filth of Football have that foreign speaking Carragher bloke – our last of this type was Sol Campbell. God, if only his toy boy lover Quincy Owusu-Abeyie hadn’t of been sold hours before ‘that’ West Ham game at Highbury, maybe Sol would never of had that funny 45. Anyway, what’s done is done, as likewise what needs to be addressed, needs to be addressed. Senderos was seen as this Sol replacement by many within the club. After an impressive final third of the 06 season, peaking in our Paris run, Senderos was set to be big news. Handed the number 6 shirt later that summer, nicknamed “Swiss Tony”, everything was set up for him; until the shoulder injury he picked up in the World Cup that year caused him to miss the opening of the following season. Since then he’s only shown his quality in spurts, and has lacked any real consistency. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say I sincerely hope he gets his career back on track, and what better way to be given a confidence boost with Meelan wanting you? Wafa Cup football might do him good for this season anyway – slight dig.

On to our midfield. Oh, fcuk it. I really don’t have the energy or effort to explain about something every single Arsenal supporter knows already. With Gokhan Inlar signing a new deal at Udinese, it’s not just the time which is running out, but the players as well.

Match news, and it’s the second leg of the FC Twente game tonight at the Emirates, we lead 2-0 and to be honest, I can see this one being a similar score line. Our fitness level will guide us through if our football doesn’t – much like the first leg. Cesc’s fit thank god, and hopefully a run out tonight will sort him out preparing him for the Newcastle clash Saturday evening.

Come on you GOONERS!!

ScottyDavisGooner 

‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ – Where was you?

As part of this season and trying to tie in with all the 20th anniversary shenanigans of that famous last minute championship win, allgoonerdup.com is doing a ‘JFK where was you moment’. But obviously the moment we’re doing is – ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ moment. Every Gooner knows where they were when that goal went in and we’re going to publish your tails. The idea is do one Gooner’s piece a day, so get amongst it and send your emails in via the contacts page and mark the subject line ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs moment’. I’ll be doing some sort of fancy graphic and that just to give the piece some ‘air play’. But get your emails in and hopefully we’ll get the ball rolling next week with your ‘Thomas – where was you moment’.

Weekend fallout …Michael Thomas monent…Win a free tee…

I’m going to have to keep it short Gooner’s as I have a lot on and time is my enemy at the moment. Allgoonerdup.com’s posts might be a bit sporadic over the next week or so, so I apologies in advance to all you good people who like your daily dose of football and humour. OK so first up, we lost. Yep so we did, anyone REALLY that surprised? I think even the ardent Arsene Wenger fan (I’m on about the AKB’s) must admit we were fecking awful against Fulham and the blame has to rest at the feet of Wenger who hasn’t strengthened our midfield. OK it’s quite easy to say “I told you so” but come on even with our injuries, you can’t expect to beat a Premier League team with the likes of Eboué and Denilson in the central midfield berth. Alright I wont knock Denilson too much, the boy has got talent he just happened to have his worst game in an Arsenal shirt when he needed to step up. 

I know Emmanuel Eboué is the new ‘Pascal Cygan’ the player all fans love to hate, but admittedly he isn’t doing himself any favours. He was fecking awful against Fulham. I can’t believe we are serious title contenders with a player like Emmanuel Eboué supposedly doing the defensive midfield work. If Eboué was brought in to do a ‘Flamini’ job it desperately failed. Mathieu Flamini was all work rate, jumping into tackles with full gusto, running up and down the pitch like a maniac and just pure energy, Emmanuel Eboué on the other hand was none of those – he wasn’t even close to one of those. If we are to play like we did last season we need a Mathieu Flamini type player, simple as that. We haven’t got one of those amongst our ranks so will Le Gaffer buy one? Who knows? Wenger still reckons he’s no closer to signing anyone. Well if that’s the case this season will be a fecking long one Gooner’s and we’ll know how it feels to be a spud supporter, what with losing against teams you should be caning and generally being a laughing stock. 

I haven’t got the answers to improve us, that’s down to the manager and his cheque book and the players he’s identified. We do need to buy, our squad is paper thin. After losing the experience of Alex Hleb, Mathieu Flamini and Gilberto Silva, Le Gaffer still hasn’t addressed getting the quality players in with the added bonus of ‘experience’, in my opinion. But we do need it and need it quick. I’m just glad we lost against a team like Fulham and it was so early in the season. At least Le Gaffer can see early doors what he needs to do and hopefully he will. Cross those fingers someone decent with experience is signed up Gooners.

St Michael Thomas t-shirt…

The winner of the St Michael Thomas t-shirt is Darren Taylor, a Gooner from Bristol. So well done Gooner – hope you enjoy your prize. The answer to the question was Michael Thomas wore the number four shirt when we beat Liverpool at Anfield in 1989 to grab the title. Which is nice. 

‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ – Where was you?

As part of this season and trying to tie in with all the 20th anniversary shenanigans of that famous last minute championship win, allgoonerdup.com is doing a ‘JFK ‘where was you’ moment’. But obviously the moment we’re doing is -’Thomas – it’s up for grabs now’ moment. Every Gooner knows where they were when that goal went in and we’re going to publish your emails. There will be one a day, so get amongst it and send your emails in via the contacts page and mark the subject line ‘Thomas – it’s up for grabs moment’. I’ll be doing some sort of fancy graphic and that just to give the piece some ‘air play’. But get your emails in and I’ll post where you were and that.

Girl in a shirt

Allgoonerdup is looking to give the Goonerbabe page a bit of a boost and we’re going for a ‘Girl in the Shirt’ approach. Do you have any pictures of your girl in the shirt or girls get yourself seen on the Goonerbabe wall and send in your own pictures. Lets get this party started right. Send your pictures in and tell us your name, favourite player, favourite all time player, favourite drink and if you have anything else to declare to babe@allgoonerdup.com

You’ve been Eboue’d

So all my worst fears were realised last Saturday. It was the first match of the season, and that usually means sunny pitches and a bit of a festive atmosphere with everyone happy to finally see some real football after a long break. It also means seeing the new strip, and hopefully one of two new signings in a team you honestly believe will win everything in the universe.

Why the hell then did we get Emmanuel Eboué in centre midfield? Seriously.. what is it with Arsene and this guy. But i’ve thought about this long and hard and I think I’ve figured it out. See.. it all makes sense when you think about it. See… I remember a time when us Gooners were able to laugh at those muppet’s down the road for their inability to keep players fit (see Darren Anderton). But over the past 3 or 4 seasons, we seem to have become unusually injury prone as a team. Coincidentally, Emmanuel Eboué has been with us for roughly the same amount of time. Of course in his early days he often got a start at right back, and so we didn’t get too much trouble from him, but more recently, with the fans pressuring Wenger to drop him, he has had to take matters into his own hands. Obviously if Eboué dropped out of the first team, soon enough he’d be let go. and no other manager in his right mind would pay him to play football! 

First he tampered with Freddie Ljungberg and Tomas Rosicky using an ancient surgery technique he learnt in the wilds of the Cote D’Ivoire, replacing their fit and healthy muscles with rubber bands. This obviously gave him a clear run at the right wing spot as right back was now off limits with the arrival of our golden haired wonder, Bacary Sagna. But no… that was never going to be enough. When Arsene replaced Freddie, with Theo from The Cosby Show, and Alex Hleb came in he had to rethink things. He could probably beat up Theo in the showers, he was but a kid, but the pasty Belarussian was obviously a different story. He was already pretty bendy so the rubber band trick would probably not work. So instead he befriended Hleb, telling him of how he once spent a summer in Mar Bella, and it was the best time in his life. Down there, he told Alex, they appreciate the lesser understood art of not shooting. Of course in the short term, he needed another plan to keep his place in the side. There was that cocky Dutch kid who kept putting the ball through his legs at training. So when Arsene wasn’t looking, he shoved his kneecap up his a#$@. This meant the pasty kid who couldn’t shoot would obviously now play as a second striker (???) and the right wing slot would again be his. 

Of course even Eboué had to get injured. And while he was out, young Theo went and dazzled everyone against Liverpool. So Eboué had to temporarily give up his designs on right wing and looked instead to right back again. That Sagna certainly was a hard b*stard.. with those golden serpents he had coming out of his head. But when he wasn’t looking he tied his golden braids to the back of Gael Clichy’s boots. Gael set off in a sprint doing about Mach 2 as he always does, ripping Sagna’s head clean off, putting him out of contention for the remainder of the season. But of course, that stupid Swiss bloke who looks like Frankenstein’s monster dobbed him in to Le Gaffer, and thus the second best player in the Ivory Coast, according to Emmanuel, was shoved out at right back instead and Eboué was again on the bench. 

There wasn’t much hope for Eboué by this stage. He had lost right back and right wing. He had to think outside the box. And then it all just fell into place. He hid Mathieu Flamini’s favourite Parker Pen, leaving him unable to sign the new deal Arsenal were offering and eventually upset, he moved to Milan. There was that strangely shaped French kid with the attitude problem who didn’t even stay long enough to be plotted against. The other lads said his boots were too big… no wonder he ran so strangely. And the old Brazilian geezer was already set on spending his retirement eating gyros and olives and bunked off to Greece. And then all that was left was that Spanish golden child and the lanky french bloke with one foot on backwards………. 

And of course that is just a theory, but I think you all know it makes sense. With Cesc returning, and Denilson playing a good game, expect Samir Nasri to now fall foul of a mysterious muscle injury any minute now. 

Oh.

Technical difficulties…Last day to win a free St Michael Thomas t-shirt..

Firstly Gooner’s a big welcome back, as you may have noticed there’s been no new post since last week Thursday this is all due to ‘techincal difficulties’. Anyhow we seem to be up and running now a bit like our young ‘uns. Paul Wright our roving reporter’s column was due to be posted on Friday prior to our opening win of the season against northern monkeys West Brom of the Albion where Samir Nasri scored a debutant goal. Just think another ten goals from the youngster and we WILL all be thinking Alex Who? Any road up take your mind back pre-weekend and read the post below and enjoy it Gooner’s, some of the content has been changed slightly just to confuse you into thinking you’ve just stepped out of a time machine. Please – read on.

Lightweights to win the league… 

Looking at the Arsenal squad for the match played last week against FC Twente was a strange thing. Here we were playing a game, which along with the return leg back at The Grove, was worth 20 Million Euros for the winner, and we were going into it with a 17yr old debutante at the heart of our team, hoping to be dragged through by the relative experience of a 19yr old with just 23 appearances for the club. I know it’s Olympic season, and the gymnasts and divers all seem to be getting younger, but this was getting ridiculous. We had 16 year old Jack Wilshere on the bench just in case one of the ‘older’ pro’s got injured. It’s just mental. 

But we got through the away game, and I guess it’s all experience for our kids. And we beat Steve McClaren.. and that makes me very happy indeed. They now have to come back to our place by which time we should have Cesc and Nasri back, Touré should be fit, and fingers crossed for no injuries we should spank them good and proper. Still no signings though, and with a lot of our reputed targets going and cup toeing themselves it’s starting to get a bit worrying. But I’m sure Le Gaffer has a plan to bring in a 4 yr old goalkeeper from Finland and will convert him into a rugged hard tackling midfielder in the Vieira mould. 

Still, the strange thing is, despite all this youth and me panicking, we’re not actually doing to bad so far. We hardly struggled in pre-season and a lot of our fringe players look like they could step up, Bendtner in particular looked very impressive. And if this slightly lightweight squad can win things and force our inexperienced players to quickly gain experience, then when the likes of Rosicky and Eduardo get back, things might not look nearly so bad. 

In other news our old friend Jose Moaninho has been spouting off a lot recently about us. I couldn’t be bothered to read any of it to be honest – can’t someone run him over repeatedly with a bus? With spikes on the tyres. Then parade his pulped head around the ground at the first game of the season. That would really make me feel a lot better about football in Europe. I’m sure the ‘mind games’ will begin with Sir Manure shortly too. A week before the season he always seems to decide to take a swipe at whoever is threatening him that particular week. Trouble is, until they get a translator in, nobody can understand a word he says. And while we are busily worrying about our lads, United have no Ronaldo and Rooney is off round the back of the training sheds having five quick cigarettes, and Liverpool are doing their usual trick of forgetting to score goals. We know Sp*rs will implode and Chelski.. well who knows about them. They could just as soon appoint Vladimir Putin as their new manager should ‘Big Phil’ not win 9 – 0 in his opening fixture. So all in all i’m quite hopeful for this season, despite the slight concerns about our squad depth. 

Anyway… see y’all on the other side kids… lets get some of those Chinese synchronised divers in – they seem to know how to win stuff and if nothing else would probably win a shed load of free kicks!